Laze's Syndrome

This is it. The last night at home.

I'm going back to ky tomorrow, around the evening so I'd have time to unpack and do some studying. Now, as I sit in my room during the last few hours left of this saturday, a table cluttered with books stare back at me. Have I done enough? I wonder. Did I fully use the privileges I had when I was in penang? Did I put in the maximum amount of study hours every day? The only way to tell is how well I do, I guess. I'm sorry for being sombre right now, but exams do that to you. Sucks the life and fun right outta ya.

We all will eventually face the inevitable fact that as we grow older, we become more and more busy and have less time for leisure, our friends, and basically anything unproductive. Whether we like it or not, we will have to come to terms with it one day. Some rise early and prepared to the change, some are late bloomers--which I think I am. I started out as a not-so-serious, laid back kinda guy. Those were the days when I used to care about absolutely nothing. I'm not saying I miss it, because I know it wasn't a good way to live..I'm just saying I was so accustomed to not worrying about anything, that when the time comes to be extremely serious about something, I can't immediately set my mind to it... and I have a feeling that I'm probably not the only one.

Everyone says how balance is key to a good life--between studies and leisure, relationships and work--basically the serious and the chill. I wouldn't say that I can perfectly balance between the two. Sometimes its 60-40, sometimes it's 30-70. Maybe that's all I want in life. Balance.
  I don't want materialistic property like a gigantic house, smart phones and two rows of cars. I just want to stand at the top of the pyramid. I want to be able to face serious matters with ease, without procrastination. I want to be able to have a smashing time with my friends while also maintaining the priorities of real life problems. I want to act.

Wanting to act and actually acting are two very different things, though. May Allah guide me to what is right.

Minerva

Remember that whole epiphany thing I had about life's meaninglessness and the end of all things beautiful? Well I kept listening to this song the whole time and it just amplified the dreamy state I was in. Also a good song to listen to when you're all 420, but that's not important. This was a cover of Deftones' song, Minerva, and Fightstar made it into an electronic-ish acoustic version and yes I am still obsessed with Fightstar so shut up. They're great.


Credits to Deftones of course, for the beautiful lyrics. Many fans have interpreted it as a tribute to all women who have developed themselves in proper ways; mostly the older matured ones. Minerva is the goddess of handicrafts and arts, as well as war and music, in roman religion. I'm not sure how this relates to the end of all things beautiful, but isn't the beauty of music and lyrics about how it can be interpreted in any way, by anyone?

I get all numb

When she sings it's over

Such a strange numb

and it brings my knees to the earth

So God bless you all

for the song you saved

us

For the hearts you break, every time you moan

God bless you all on the earth

I never said it was a good joke.

I don't know why, but lately I've been having these odd, unexplained feelings towards life an myself as an individual. I have it often, but not as recurring as this! I wish there was a word--just one simple adjective that can perfectly describe this feeling I'm having. Maybe there's already one and I just don't know it...or too lazy to go through a dictionary for. So how do I explain this...

   It's like a surreal trip your mind goes on at random times; some spontaneously and some deliberately. It's a single, unifying thought that ripples throughout both your conscience and subconscious. Imagine dreaming about yourself dying in a car accident. When you wake up, it stays in your mind because it was too real to forget. The dream/thought lingers and plays with your mind. You go out with your friends and you sit in the car, and suddenly, the dream comes back more vivid than ever. You begin to get scared, you begin to question whether it's your last day on Earth, you question the chain of events that transpired, you question whether you're the one who made those events transpire.....you question a lot of things.

That's me right now.

It's like I've become The Comedian and I've understood life's joke. It's like I've accepted that there's not much time left to live on this planet and there's more and more to lose. It's like I'm preparing for a battle that I'm not sure will exist. Am I delusional? Perhaps. Am I being a fool? Absolutely not. I don't think there's anything foolish about questioning life and feeling certain ways about it, let alone thinking about it's end. Virtually, through your blog-reading eyes, I may look like I'm just blabbering. In truth, this is me being entirely honest about myself. Pure, emotional, self-reflection.

Haha but now that I look at everything I just typed, it really could be me just blabbering. You'd think you'd know life's meaning when you have a so-called epiphany...

50th

I reach 50 posts today! And since I've been blogging a lot when I was in Penang, I use the 50th to end it, as I'm going home tomorrow. How fitting. I'm really thankful for Cik Nana, my aunt, for letting me stay in this awesome house for solitude to study. I'm thankful for my mom too, for coming up with the idea in the first place. Now it's time to say goodbye after a 12 day stay, and I hope it was worth it. Right just now I randomly came up with some poser poetry...maybe I'm inspired by something, not sure what. So here's the last four lines of it from my tumblr. Goodbye penang! :)


facts are facts; truths are lies,
you are the reason for your own demise.
speak now or forever hold this grudge,
stay silent or forever be misjudged.

Fault

If time can break us down

And not keep us around

I won't wait, I won't mind.

I've started up the clocks

It's time I left behind

And everything we've lost, disappears.

I've started out the race

It's something I can't change

And now we're not the same.

I'm running past the words

To finish up the faults

Can't come back, I won't wait.

Won't live like that.

I'm calling, I'm calling out

For answers on a long walk home;

It's something I can't change.

And now we're not the same,

I'll find myself once again.

And now we're not the same,

I can't help myself again.

"I promise you they'll let you in"

My favourite Fightstar song at the moment!

If you have the answers to all of my questions
Why are you here?
Turn around, face me now
I promise you they'll let you in

I don't mean to make you so upset
But the air is so thin and I'm losing sleep

Blackened and unrested
Replace your armour to make this stand

Bring me round to let me down
Take this for ever so I can sleep quiet
I'll wait around to let you in
What has begun

I don't mean to make you so upset
But the air is so thin and I'm losing sleep

Wake up
Wake up
Wake up (x3) 

Fightstar

Despite the slow internet I have here in this house in Penang, I still download albums. Ain't the same standard as unifi of course. Takes about half an hour or more to download one album here. But just lately, last night in fact, I remembered this band I heard a long long time ago(the myspace ages) and decided to download their discography. Yeah totally unlike me to download the entire damn discography instead of trying out one album, not sure why I did that...but I don't regret it at all.

A very good friend of mine told me about this band a long time ago. I didn't get into them then(at all) not until yesterday! I'm not sure what made me remember them, I'm just glad I even did. I remember years ago on MSN, Aisyah was chatting and telling me "Syad! Go check out this band on myspace, they're called Fightstar. Remember the guitarist from Busted? He made his own band.", and then I listened to Paint Your Target and I was like wow, this band's damn good.

Of course, those were the years of naivety and ignorance--I didn't download any of their songs. Lol honestly I'd kick my past self in the ass if I could. Anyway, the albums are superb! Especially Grand Unification. So for those who don't know, it's Charlie Simpson's band. He's that deep-voiced guitarist in the old punk band, Busted, which I fairly liked. Apparently his creativity was 'pent up' and 'unable to be vented', thus leading to the creation of this band. Amazing post-hardcore stuff.

Charlie Simpson, everybody.

boner post #2

gotta love them chicks in suits.

Of boats and boars

Had the weirdest of dreams last night..

I was driving to my college, KY, alone for some reason. I think it was because there was no one to send me and I really had to get there because I had class the next day. So I was driving a Proton Wira(don't know whose) at night to ky. So I was driving, just driving, (everything was very very real btw. you know how dreams are) so I took a turn and figured I drove the right way, because the surroundings were familiar. I was at the Lembah Beringin toll, used my touch N' go, and continued driving.

and suddenly the whole damn road changed. It wasn't like the road to ky. It suddenly got really narrow, and there were boulders, fallen trees and all kinds of obstacles blocking the road. I was scared, of course(like, really scared) and then my car broke down. I was alone, and the car broke down. Then for some damn reason, I put the car backwards and pushed it, and it kept going. So imagine me, sitting on the boot of a Proton Wira, some weird force continuously pushing the backward car through the path. It went faster and faster, and I saw all kinds of weird shit. I mostly remember a dead boar, and a boar that wasn't. The car stopped at a junction and there were two paths: one up a flight of stairs, one through the jungle.

I got off the boot of my car and followed the stairs, which led to a wooden bridge, and before I know it...I realised the bridge was over a black lake. And across the lake I saw silhouettes of children, staring at me. Of course, it scared the crap out of me, and I went back the way I came, just wanting to get out of there and find ky. I went down the stairs, and on the way back to my car, I saw Mrs. Foord. So I was happy you know, omg a ky teacher! So I yelled, "Mrs. Foord! Mrs. Foord!" (I'm pretty sure I yelled in my sleep, because it was so real and I felt my mouth move)...

...and she turned her head to me..

and it wasn't Mrs Foord. It was some old, lady who had Mrs Foord's hairstyle. Her eyes were dead grey and just stared at me, not saying a word. Her hair, clothes, and entire body was suddenly dripping wet, and looked as though she was just got out of water. Then I realised that she was the girl who was drowned in this black lake.


was drowned, not drowned. someone drowned her.


fuck.

then I woke up.

This is why I title my posts after I write it

Remember those disgusting, horrible, pointless and mindless Saw movies? The ones that like, never end? I think they're at Saw 7 or something now. It's pretty easy to keep up that many sequels. All they have to do is get more actors who are really good in expressing emotions of pain and are willing to be subjected to on-screen torture, which isn't really acting by the way, but really just a porno for sadistic nutjobs. I'll never understand what people love so much about Saw. It's ridiculous.

  Anyway....crap I forgot what I wanted to blog about. Seriously! I'm here, typing this, trying to remember what the fuck I wanted to blog about. Instead I went off-track and acted upon a random thought that occurred in my head. Well I like how that one small random thought turned out to be in a whole paragraph but hell, I really can't remember what I wanted to blog about! I cannot express this enough! Guess it's one of those things you simply just can't recall(or take an excruciatingly long time to).

shit la

In the company of men

(after lunch)

Me: where are you guys going?
Mama: we're taking Aunty Uji to OE jewelry at Straits Quay
Me: ...but you guys go there all the time
Mama: we're women, darling. Women love jewelry, like how men love football.
Me: yeah..I miss hanging out with men.

(my mom laughs loudly and tells everyone in the house, who are all females)

Cik Nana: I figured! You've been surrounded by women this past week. Even the dog is a girl.
Me: (just realising that) oh my god

Million Dollar Baby

Yet another one of those old must-watch movies that I've never watched(fully). The dialogue in this was really inspiring, and ohhh the message! It's a movie all about determination, risking everything to live your dream, to do what you would almost never do for others. I loved it, and I'm glad I've watched it. Once again; you can never go wrong with Clint Eastwood.

" I can't be like this, Frankie. Not after what I've done. I've seen the world. People chanted my name. Well, not my name... some damn name you gave me. But they were chanting for me. I was in magazines. You think I ever dreamed that'd happen? I was born two pounds, one-and-a-half ounces. Daddy used to tell me I'd fight my way into this world, and I'd fight my way out. That's all I wanna do, Frankie. I just don't wanna fight you to do it. I got what I needed. I got it all. Don't let 'em keep taking it away from me. Don't let me lie here 'till I can't hear those people chanting no more." 

From 'fitmemes' to 'reesmemes'

The Dreamer

I found a really funny picture of my best friend, Fit, and decided to turn it into a meme. I call it...The Dreamer.

boner post #1

Expect these posts to happen. Occasionally.

and it's funny because, there are boner posts..

.....and there are post-boners.

HAHAHAHAHA 

The exclusion of vanity

Too many pictures of myself on this blog at the moment, so here's Tim Drake and Damian Wayne bitch fighting. 

HAHA aren't they cute? To those who don't know, Tim Drake is the 3rd Robin, but now has gone his own path and has become Red Robin(the guy in the black cowl) while the current Robin is Batman's son, Damian. These two really hate each other.

'nuff said.

...and that's that!

Seriously, what a good day it's been.
..but wait

Didn't I say that for like every single birthday I've had? Don't we all perceive our birthdays as generally good days, even though it might have been crappy or extremely uneventful? A person could celebrate his or her birthday on their bed reading manga and browsing the internet and watching movies and they'd still most probably agree that it was a birthday well spent. Why is that? Is the day good because, deep down, despite crappy events, we ignore these because we don't want to remember our birthdays as bad days? Or is the day good because we don't want it to be a bad day, and it ends up feeling that way when the day's done?

Such interesting things to think about; our minds are such vast universes with no borders.

ANYWAY, ignoring all that, I really did have a good day(well, I think I did). Thanks, everyone, for all the wishes! Thank you alia for the mailed birthday present. Thanks Cik Nana for the delicious Japanese dinner tonight, the Hard Rock Cafe dinner last weekend, and thank you kak sultry for the HONEYCOMB CRUNCHIE BAR CHEESECAKE whooomfg too full to think about it.

This may be just another day to some, but it was one of the most meaningful to me. We all have our days. I just had mine. big smiles!

oh and I just found out that I share the same birthday as twitter, which is either a really weird coincidence or a legitimate sign of my excessive tweeting and love for twitter. peace ya'llz

"because there's no point living life miserably"

Today is my birthday. I woke up around 11, took my shower and had the usual breakfast. I drove the smart car and dropped off kak sultry at the market to buy ingredients....for my cake. Yeah, I just contributed in the making of my birthday cake. It feels aweosme.

Anyway, I came back, studied, and had lunch. Suddenly a pos laju bike stops outside the house and gives a letter to me! and it was a package sent by my angel, alia nor ezannee :) so I took the liberty of taking pictures of these gifts, and myself with these gifts....and being an accomplished camwhore, I took the opportunity to take more pictures of myself.

here's me with her presents. she made me two mixed CDs, and two lovely birthday letters!

the presents, on my bed, along with the pos laju letter.

...and the rest are me camwhoring with cool things

big poster of Che Guevara

awesome big poster of Spider-Man vs Green Goblin

me with a fire extinguisher, because I have fans with weird requests

This totally made my day! I wonder what else is in store. Fancy dinner? Another pos laju? Activation of a long-time hidden Mutant gene in my body that coincidentally took 20 years to develop? You never know.

The best part of birthdays

and this isn't even all of them. I love being wished, it makes me feel appreciated. I mean even though some people only wish you because they feel obliged to wish you because it's a birthday and since everyone's doing it they think, ah well might as well do it, IT STILL MEANS SOMETHING TO ME

who needs presents when you've got love? (and reminders)

20 years

  20 years has passed. 20 years! While I sat on my bed here in penang, there were about 2 minutes left before midnight. I sat there, and thought to myself, "wow, 20 years. I've been alive for 20 years". If you say it like that, it feels like a lifetime. A lot of things can happen in 20 years. Hell, the difference between the 70's and the 90's is 20 years, and that's a huge difference. (e.g. fashion in the 70's and fashion in the 90's)



That's the difference.

So I sat, paused, and put my head down in prayer.

I thanked Allah for everything. I thanked Him for keeping me alive for this long, I thanked Him for keeping my family safe, unharmed, alive and healthy to this day, I thanked Him for my blessed family who always supports me through thick and thin, I thanked Him for the lessons I've learnt throughout my entire lifetime, I thanked Him for my education, my talents, my brain, my body, my health, and basically everything that has to do with me.

Ladies and gentlemen, the word of the day is GRATITUDE. or kesyukuran. 


   and there you have it. I spent the last 2 minutes, at the end of a whole 2 decades of my life, thanking God for my existence and how my life has turned out so far. and I'm so glad I did that. I'm overwhelmed, actually. I'm glad I didn't do something stupid like, "hey i'm gonna do the last 10 push-ups as a 19-year old". yeah, i'd have done something dumb like that if I was still dumb, which I ain't..

heh. a new member of the 20's club has been added. Let's see how this turns out, eh? :)

Screw this, too much effort

Every blog develops in it's own way. Mine just took a turn for the better. Lol so I thought it would be cool for all my blog titles to be song titles, so it would look professional and I can(one day) make a playlist out of all those blog titles in memory of my blog.

...now that's hipster thinkin'. The hell was I thinking? hahahaha oh man, the things I do to maintain a cool image, if I had a cool image to begin with. Oh interesting fact, I'm turning 20 in about say 15 minutes. after 7 years of being a teenager, the end is nigh within the hour. It's the end of something that has had a good run, and the beginning of a new phase of my life. A few 20 year olds I know have said the same thing--that after you reach 20, life speeds up like hell. Okay, great! I'm totally in a rush to grow up and make life-changing decisions and choose a career path that will define my future and find a spouse that I will grow old with and have children with.

Is it just me, or is the 20-year-old sense of humour ALREADY setting in? I don't know, but I like this new style of blogging. So much more relaxed....no rules, no need for perfection. It's like I'm chilling at home with a t-shirt on and I just took it off

SO LIBERATING.
whoa I'm turning 20 in 10 minutes. WHAT SHOULD I DO IN THE REMAINING 10 MINUTES OF MY TEENAGE YEARS???
guess I'll browse around the internet for a while, like I always have been throughout my teenagehood. Yeah, you know what, that's a great end. I started getting into the internet when I was 13--friendster, myspace, all that crap--and now, after 7 years, I'm ending it with good old browsin' and bloggin'. Life's sweet and simple if you think about it.

Here's to me. Cheers

Charlie

This is a live performance of "Charlie" by Damn Dirty Apes, a band from Penang I just recently discovered....because I'm in Penang right now lol. They're awesome, seriously. So good that you wouldn't have guessed they were local.

No Pun Intended

John, you rock.

Ghosts Of Days Gone By

This week, by far, has been the most intense week my college has ever experienced. Whether individually or together, all of us faced different levels of stress and dissatisfaction towards the administration. I'll list down a few of these events.

Ever since the cafe moved to the DH, shit's been hitting the fan. On Saturday, a fight erupted between two juniors, resulting in a wounded arm, broken partitions and a broken common room window. On Monday night, the 14.5 boys conducted a bashing of ridiculous and utterly humiliating nature that destroyed ky's reputation of having a well-bred and understanding society of students. The Student Services(SS) were informed, and actions were taken. On Tuesday evening, Anwar had a concussion. Fortunately it was a minor one and he's okay now. The next day, it was Mochi's turn for an injury, and it was a broken pinky. 

On Thursday night, stories spread that the SS banned food deliveries in ky, which means we're not allowed to order Abg Hafiz's burgers anymore. This was crossing the line. A massive uprising came about on twitter, where fellow ky students tweeted their complaints and showed their support for the boycott. It was the first time we were that united. 

Today was different. An emotional one. One of serious matters from the outside. I woke up to the sound of Dr. Bano's voice in my common room. There stood Zameer, Fifi, Dr Bano and Hazman. Hazman's baby brother, who had recently been diagnosed with pneumonia a few months back, passed away this morning. Whoever is reading this and you didn't know about it yet, please send him your condolences. It doesn't matter whether you're close to him or not, every word of comfort you give is an extra ounce of strength for him. My good friend is in pain.. I cannot take away that pain, but I can help ease it. The tiniest bit of effort can go a long way.

I don't know what's happening to this college and the world. I could complain a lot, but I I've exhausted all my complaints in conversations with my friends...there's just no point. If God has something planned, this week was a good way of showing it. Maybe after all these bad signs, things will turn out okay later. Maybe these events are lessons to be learnt...maybe this week was a reminder that humanity is on the edge of a cliff, and that we must do our best to stop it from falling.

Or maybe it's just me. 

Out Of My Mind

I find this ridiculously funny

Alhough I didn't laugh out loud

Because, when it's just you and the internet, the most you'd make is a chuckle.

Berilah Harapan

This was Diamond's Nasyeed video, uploaded straight to youtube! The video quality's a bit bad though, but the sound's okay. We're all really proud of this performance. Despite the fact that we didn't win, we remain confident that we were the true winners anyway. But always remember(as Zameer and Izannee has told me countless times) that nasyeed is all about conveying the message, not just to entertain.

Alhamdulillah, we did a good job.

The House of Courage. :)

It's Complicated Being A Wizard

Such a nice song to listen to. When you're down, when you're feeling fine, or (especially) when you're in the zone. Thanks anwar.

Try and always find you
Where sheep's shed friendly information
Slowly spout back, sifting through patient air
Their legs are bending back to find
The roots where, offer only explanations
We will only take what hands and backs and legs
Can carry out of here

Someday we'll find a home (I found the way out)
Someday we'll find a lonely, lonely home
(But if I told you, you'd be down)

Where they bring the change
Where they bring the change
Lips likely holes; pouring out feelings
Lips likely holes; pouring out feelings

Overflow the bows; remote control that holds you
Open it and part the steps that never move

No Return

There was a lot of injustice last night, in my opinion. And in here, my opinion's the only one that matters because...it is my blog. So, about last night.

We worked hard for this inter-house nasyeed competition. So hard that I dare say we worked harder than all of the other houses. Why? Because we trained our voices to be perfectly harmonised, we trained our choreography, our backup vocals, our coordination with the drums...basically everything we needed to train for. On the night itself, we gave it our best shot. We sang even better than we normally do during practice. We pulled it off in style, and according to numerous people, we were the obvious winner. But how is it that we ended up at 2nd place?

Because we were over time by a few measly seconds.

Everything was in place...our total marks were 7 above Topaz(which is still surprisingly low) and because of that overtime, we lost 10 marks. 10 marks. So you mean if our performance was over by 1 second, you'd still cut 10 marks just like that? Isn't Nasyeed about the voice projection, and singing the songs well? ISN'T NASYEED ABOUT CONVEYING THE MESSAGE FOR ISLAM, AS BEAUTIFUL AS POSSIBLE? Since when was it about singing Islamic songs under a ridiculously strict time limit? Kalau tak pun at least regulate it, for example an extra minute will cause 5 marks or something. Have some mercy, for God's sake. Literally.

This is what I'm frustrated about. We deserved that win, but we were deprived of it because of this illogical judging scheme. Go ahead, call me biased. But think about it. I mean really think about it. How would you feel if you were in this position? Once again, Topaz has beaten us by sheer luck. Think of it as a race. Diamond runs the entire track at a magnificent speed, due to the all the hours of training. And suddenly, just before the finish line, the judges say we're wearing the wrong running shorts, and therefore must be given a penalty of 50 points.

Trust me, it is as ridiculous as it sounds. I'm not attacking Topaz, because it clearly wasn't their fault. I'm blaming the injustice in judgement. On another note, Bob's video was good and absolutely stuck to the theme. I was shocked when we got 4th palce for that. FOURTH. Whether the judges have a vengeance against Diamond, I will never know. But please, this is a perfect example of why people shouldn't stick to the textbook marking scheme. This is why people should think outside the box to adopt a sound judgement of character, creativity, talent.....QUALITY.


We have felt this close loss too many times. We have learnt to pick ourselves up, only to be beaten down, again and again. This isn't me complaining. This is just me hoping the other houses acknowledge how we feel. Nevertheless, I hope the next batch won't falter if this happens again. I hope they learn that in life, there are some things that need to be accepted.

I guess I've already come to terms with this. It took a while, but yeah, I'll be okay. I just needed to express this somewhere. My blog is the perfect outlet for that.

Always A Catch

  

Matt Murdock. The man without fear. The Scarlet Swashbuckler. 

Daredevil.

Radar sense, heightened smell and hearing, superb acrobatic agility, a skilled tracker with unparallel encyclopedic intellect. Formidable hand-to-hand combat skills; including Ninjutsu, Judo, American-style boxing all infused with his gymnastic capabilities.

 Lawyer by day, masked vigilante at night. 

These kinds of heroes are my kind of heroes. I don't go for the superhuman extraterrestrial type who can lift mountains and fly at supersonic speed. I mean, sure it's cool, but it detaches us from our humanity. There are articles on how people idolise Superman because he is the idea of a perfect being, and these fanboys just end up feeling inferior. Heroes like Daredevil are the ones to look up to. Real humans with disabilities(in this case, he's blind) and prone to injuries and diseases as much as any normal human being. Every time he battles to save the lives of innocents, there is always a high chance that he could die or be very seriously injured. Every wound, bruise and fracture he takes would take as much time to heal as anyone else. 

But he's willing to take the law into his own hands and protect Hell's Kitchen, to protect the lives of the innocent civilians. There's nothing 'super' about it. He wasn't sent from some distant planet, he's not a mutant, he's not a guardian sent by an Asgardian king....he's just a guy doing good. 

There's humanity for you.

Shine On

Boria Night. The night that everyone had been waiting for. The night that a month of practice, sewing, video-making amounted to. In other words, it was a month's worth of training was for 10 minutes of showtime. Intense is the word. The verdict? Diamond didn't win. And really, that's all I need to know. Having specifics such as 3rd or 2nd is small comfort. We're in it to win it all by doing our best, and if we lost despite giving it our best, then it's okay. 

But we didn't.

During the days that were just before boria, our boys perfected it like never before. All the seniors, including me, were absolutely confident that: with a display like that, we could definitely win. The practices were almost flawless, and our confidence was boosted. Alas, on the night itself, there were a few minor setbacks. There was a technical problem--the song started off at a low volume and it threw them off. It set their mentality in a different way. I'm not sure what happened...all I know is, it wasn't a show that expressed our full potential. And that, my friends, is a shame. It's one thing to lose, but it's another to not put on a fantastic show that we could have.

Post-Mortem. We told the juniors the truth. We told them what they needed to hear. The session went on until midnight and I think it was one of the most emotional and inspiring sessions we've ever done as a house. I gave them my thoughts and Yaya gave hers. After that, I watched in awe as one, two, three, and more junior Diamonders went up the stage in the LT and gave their speeches to inspire, to say thank you, to motivate their housemates, and so on. It was something genuine to watch. We may have lost this time around, but the year's only just begun. We've got a lot more coming. Well, they do...but they can take it. They can take a beating, and they can sure as hell make a victory. Diamond's in good hands. I couldn't ask for more.

"Defeat never comes to any man until he admits it." - Josephus Daniels

You're Not Alone

So today, I kinda got pulled into Boria...or rather, pulled myself into it. For those who don't know, Boria is a traditional inter-house competition that's held in my college. It's pretty big. Diamond went through some pretty rough patches(I'm sure other houses did too) and we're trying our best to fix every challenge faced. So just now, Ash called it quits and said he couldn't participate as the bunga mangga dancer because of his eye injury. Mawel has a broken arm, Pirevan has a so-called driving test this weekend, and Pravind is also apparently busy. Him and Bob wouldn't fit Ash's already-sewn costume size anyway. 

So, I volunteered. I mean there I was, hoping to see and enjoy our Diamond juniors perform their Boria, but now I've come to terms that this really is the only option. But don't get me wrong, I'm not pissed or anything. I'm taking responsibility, I'm helping them out, and this is a sacrifice I'm obliged to make. I know for a fact that the other seniors wouldn't do it...so I guess I'm the next best choice. I don't mind, really. Trust me, this isn't some dramatic attempt to get attention and have people show some gratitude for this "sacrifice". I'm just blogging about my day, the choice I made, and how good it feels to help out. My passion for this house will never falter and I am glad to be a part of this.

I hope we win. I really do. 

Iron Fist

I came across this video in Anwar's blog. It's really a beautiful piece of art--lyrics, acoustics and everything. I'm not a HUGE fan of Coheed & Cambria, but I do have several favourites. This has just become one of them.

The wish you plead, the things you sought,

we all think, we all thought.

The things I've done in the world I've seen,

don't measure up to you my queen.

Ooh, I take one for the other, and work my way through this machine.

God damn this cursed iron fist, when I lose control.

Oh no...

God damn this cursed iron fist, when I lose control.

The first train out, the last one home.

We'll all sing, "We're going home".

As the curtain swings to cover all our secrets kept, our love enough.

God damn this cursed iron fist, when I lose control.

Oh no..

Oh girl, this is what I've become, I'm going to leave it up to you.

What are you going to do?

Cause I don't want to lose your hold on me.

Cause I don't want to lose your hold on me.

God damn this cursed iron fist, when I lose control.

Oh no...

Oh girl, this is what I've become, I'm going to leave it up to you.

What are you going to do?

Just remember, pay no attention to this iron...this iron fist.

Just remember, pay no attention to this iron...this iron fist.

This cursed iron fist, when I lose control.

Oh no...

God damn this cursed iron fist, when I lose control.

Born For This

The ALL-NEW Avengers trailer was released on Apple last night! It's too good for words. This finally gives us a real idea of what the whole plot will be like. Skrulls, Loki, battles, guns, and all that badass superhero action. I just can't stop watching it. I can't. This is really happening. :')