I never said it was a good joke.

I don't know why, but lately I've been having these odd, unexplained feelings towards life an myself as an individual. I have it often, but not as recurring as this! I wish there was a word--just one simple adjective that can perfectly describe this feeling I'm having. Maybe there's already one and I just don't know it...or too lazy to go through a dictionary for. So how do I explain this...

   It's like a surreal trip your mind goes on at random times; some spontaneously and some deliberately. It's a single, unifying thought that ripples throughout both your conscience and subconscious. Imagine dreaming about yourself dying in a car accident. When you wake up, it stays in your mind because it was too real to forget. The dream/thought lingers and plays with your mind. You go out with your friends and you sit in the car, and suddenly, the dream comes back more vivid than ever. You begin to get scared, you begin to question whether it's your last day on Earth, you question the chain of events that transpired, you question whether you're the one who made those events transpire.....you question a lot of things.

That's me right now.

It's like I've become The Comedian and I've understood life's joke. It's like I've accepted that there's not much time left to live on this planet and there's more and more to lose. It's like I'm preparing for a battle that I'm not sure will exist. Am I delusional? Perhaps. Am I being a fool? Absolutely not. I don't think there's anything foolish about questioning life and feeling certain ways about it, let alone thinking about it's end. Virtually, through your blog-reading eyes, I may look like I'm just blabbering. In truth, this is me being entirely honest about myself. Pure, emotional, self-reflection.

Haha but now that I look at everything I just typed, it really could be me just blabbering. You'd think you'd know life's meaning when you have a so-called epiphany...