Out with the new, in with the newer

hello again! haven't visited this place in ages because 1) I just never felt like it and 2) never really had the time to. anyway, my new place is

www.bringthedynamite.blogspot.com

because its with my gmail and it makes things so much more easier. I shall try to keep that one up. haha.

peace

Twitter is my constant reminder of other people's success and happiness.

Thanks, twitter.

Sincerely,

broken heart.

Happy September, everyone.

since I've been blabbering too many words already, here's a bunch of pictures and stuff.

point of interest: here's a link to totalfilm's list of good movies coming out this month.

bye

there

Today I met most of my college friends--the group I always hang out with. Hazman, my chaletmate, was in the area so it was a must for me to get to see him. It was great to see everyone...but then again, it was sad seeing everyone knowing that all of them are flying to the UK in a few weeks' time. I'm happy for them, really I am, it's just....something I know I have to live with for the next few years or so. Once again I am reminded of the consequences of my failure. But somehow, one way or the other, I know all this hardship has a silver lining to it. There's going to be something for me sooner or later. In a year, two years, who knows how long it'll take? My dream of studying overseas may take even more than that.

As cliche as it sounds: when there's a will, there's a way. and I'm more determined than ever to try and make it come true. I'm not keeping this studying overseas mission as an obsession, or to prove myself to my family and my peers. It's really just something I genuinely want. My dreams haven't ended. There's something great out there for me.

It's there, I know it. 

Reflect. Record. Repeat.

I'm still bummed about the whole results thing. I mean, who wouldn't be? It's hard times like these that really sink in and cuts deep. It hurts how I've let down so many people, including myself. It hurts how I'll be stuck here while my friends enjoy themselves in the UK, living the best years of their lives. I know I shouldn't be thinking about the hurt, but how in the world do I look away from something staring directly at me in the face?

Today I met up with Nab, my best friend since forever. She, of course, met her requirements and will be flying off to Warwick in a few weeks time. It was sweet of her to come out and see me, and listen to me pouring everything out while also telling her my future plans here. I love her for that. Tonight I realised that she was actually gonna go away and do her degree for three years. It hit me like a bullet train---like I got hit by a train because I forgot I was standing on railroad tracks. I'm going to miss her. So. fucking. much. But I have to keep reminding myself that it'll be okay, there's a reason for everything.

   "Record it", she said to me. "Write this moment down so you can look back and know that you got over it". So here I am. Expressing myself over one of the toughest moments in my life so far. For this, I have prepared a message:

Dear Future Irsyad,

I hope this finds you in a positive manner. Meaning that, when you look back at this blog a year or two in the future, you would have already achieved things you can be proud of. I hope that, with all my heart, this hurdle has effectively motivated you to do better in everything you do. I hope that you have learned to prioritise, learned self-control, and that you have been a good servant to Allah. I hope that you have done your parents proud, and yourself too. If you have, well done. If not.....no. There is no if not. I hope you made it a mission; something that you HAVE to do, no matter how much it takes. I hope you've learned to strive and put every effort you can into succeeding. InsyaAllah, you're doing what you love and you're excelling in it.

Never give up. Keep moving forward.

And always, always, pray.

"Missed it by that much."

I didn't expect a breakdown like this, because I never wanted or envisioned a situation like this. In my hopeful mind it was always "study, do exams, fly". It was never "study, do exams, don't meet requirements, don't fly". When I saw my results I didn't know how to react. I just sat there, stared, and then my hand went straight to my heart as I yelled in disbelief and frustration. Cried for hours. Like a bitch.

This is one of, if not THE biggest disappointment in my life. I already had a scholarship in my hands, and had one shot at getting the grades I needed...and I blew it. I let down myself, I let down my parents, I let down my dreams and future. But my parents...God only knows how much they care for me. They were so supportive. They felt as disappointed as I was, of course..but they gave me words of encouragement. "Don't give up", they said to me. "Allah has plans like this for a reason. You need to learn to pick yourself up and decide what you're going to do next".

Today was painful. Today was sorrow. Today was encouragement. Today was support. Today was jealousy. Today was despair. Today was renewed hope.
Today was one of the worst and best days of my life.

It's not over yet, though. There's a small bubble of hope in me that prays for a miracle to happen---like Manchester accepting my appeal, and Axiata still willing to sponsor me. I don't know. It's highly unlikely, but there's no harm in trying. Whatever happens, this day will scar me for the rest of my life. This will be my motivation to do better, to be a better person, to stop letting my parents down.

Tomorrow's a new day, and I'm not gonna let that go to waste. InsyaAllah, all will be well. I pray that Allah gives me the strength to get through this. There's a reason for everything.

But I can't deny that it hurts.

LOL BRB

hey. so now I've fallen in love with tumblr again.

so

I just miss seeing, reblogging pictures and cool shit I follow.

lol blogspot's a ghost town. I'll be back some time...sooner or later.

here's my tumblr . changed the URL a bit. heh

Hello, I'm In Delaware

the remains of the day

Life's been pretty swell recently. As soon as I was done with KY, I hung out and did all kinds of shit with a lot of friends. The highlight of my holiday was Langkawi, where I spent four days and three nights with my college mates and had one of the greatest trips of my life. Immediately after that, I started working at The Green Beret to earn some cash. Ohhh boy was I reminded how much the working life sucks. It's only been three days and I'm already bored beyond all reason.

I'm not sure what to write about right now. Too many things going on at once. I'll probably complain about the world and life's sense of humour some time later.


FUCK THE FREE WORLD.

P-30

live together long enough,

and the friendship becomes unforgettable.

KY

I think it's about time I made a post about the end of kyuem, the college I've been in for the last two years. I loved the place ever since the first day I stepped in there. I was excited since day 1 and knew that it was gonna be a good thing. My chaletmates, my friends, my teachers.. this community that I've stayed with for 2 years really taught me a lot. I grew more mature. I studied harder. I understood more aspects of life: culture, religion, questionable authority, harmony, future plans. The friends I've made here are the best people I've ever had the fortune to meet. Because of KY, I have friends from all over Malaysia!

I nearly burst into tears when I hugged Hazman goodbye. Also when I was saying goodbye to Zameer and Fifi. They were my companions, they were the people I literally lived with. We shared bathrooms, cups, food, cutlery, laundry soap, ampaians, the common room... and to think that all that already ended.
Time just loves to fly so fast.

Thank you, ky. Thank you for everything. Thank you for giving me something what others can only dream of. True friendship.

Walk Off The Earth

GUYS

OMG

THIS COVER IS EPIC

THIS COVER IS AMAZING

SO CREATIVE

OMG GUYS

Liberation

I am free from A Levels. Yes, I'm relieved, but mostly scared of the grades that I'll get. If I don't get them, I don't fly. Simple as that. and I've accepted it.
so YES, FREE! :D feels like I can do anything. I feel like learning something new, or downloading thousands of movies, or starting my own band project. Suddenly, life has so many options.

but I was thinking of stocking up a kick-ass movie collection. I want an entire hard disk of movies; pop culture, oscar winners, comic movies and the like. I want a hard disk that has everything and anything I could ever need for entertainment. I want a hard disk in general. Lol so I should start off with buying one. I wanna pen down my list of movies here just so I actually put it down somewhere and not forget. This is just the start of my going-to-be massive collection.

Chronicle
Dirty Harry
The Last of The Mohicans
The King's Speech
Solaris
Hoosiers
Malcolm X
The Manchurian Candidate
Braveheart
Forrest Gump
The Shawshank Redemption
Remember the Titans
Cinderella Man
The Mission Impossible Series
The Rocky Series
The Bourne Identity Series
Chariots of Fire
The Godfather Series
The Lord of the Rings Series
Gangs of New York
Dead Poets Society
Saving Private Ryan
The Indiana Jones Series
The Back to the Future Series
Ghostbusters


Only just beginning. Anyone have any recommendations? :)

FM

Football Manager 2011. (because my laptop cant play 2012)

So addictive... I cannot even begin to explain.

So I'm just gonna go forth and show my current Arsenal team. Lol yeah I went back to Arsenal after managing Bristol City, Everton, New England Revs(MLS), Getafe, and Dortmund. My heart's still at Arsenal.....I had to go back.

and now I am UNSTOPPABLE hahahaha

GOALKEEPERS:

• Rene Adler
• Wojciech Szczesny
• Lukas Fabianski

DEFENSE:

• Gael Clichy 
• Kieran Gibbs 
• Johann Djourou 
• Thomas Vermaelen 
• Jan Vertonghen
• Laurent Koscielny
• Bakary Sagna
• Darijo Srna

MIDFIELD:

• Cesc Fabregas
• Andres Iniesta
• Abou Diaby
• Jack Wilshere
• Sergio Busquets
• Yann M'Vila
• Marek Hamsik

ATTACKING MIDFIELDERS:

• Andrey Arshavin
• Samir Nasri
• Theo Walcott
• Pablo Piatti
• Jefferson Montero

STRIKERS:

• Robin Van Persie
• Sergio Aguero
• Lukas Podolski

UNSTOPPABLEE I TELL YOUUUUU

ok I should really get a life

Lukas Podolski

Looking good in an Arsenal jersey.

I realise the lack of football blog posts on here, so I decided to dedicate my first one to Lukas Podolski, who Arsenal just recently signed. Us fans are extremely excited to see him in action. ESPECIALLY if Robin Van Persie stays(which sources suggested recently), to get to see both strikers working together to score goals.

I'M SO EXCITED :D

Life and Time

It's 3 in the morning--my usual time for blogging and tweeting. What shall I talk about? I usually start off with some context in mind, then stray off to some other random thing that's been bugging or inspiring me. Or I just start talking about music, since I write these posts with music playing.

   I also realise that blogging about what I did today/yesterday/the day before is not only boring for readers, but boring for me to write as well HAHA. But yeah I'm in the middle of exams right now, I've got four papers left. The next one's on Tuesday. Tomorrow, actually. Shit man what is it with me and blogging the day before a paper?
   It's also slowly dawned on me recently that I'm nearing the end of my time here in KYUEM. It's those kind of things that you've known for a long time but it suddenly hits you when you're nearing that time, and it hits you hard. (random mental note: blogging at late hours with an empty stomach is not fun at all). I've been in this place for almost two years. TWO YEARS. The exams I sit right now is the exact reason why I came here in the first place: to get those grades and fulfill those requirements. Through the process I've made many friends, many memories, and have formed unforgettable friendships.

and I'm grateful for that. Who wouldn't be?

Goodbyes are hard. No doubt about that. But it's something every single one of us have to do to each other at some point in our lives. How often do our parents hang out with their old high school and college friends? Coz after uni there's career, work, marriage, raising a family...life's universal routine. It's not like I'm gonna choose a different path and be hipster about it, it's just....normal, you know? It's actually scary how normal it is to have great friendships and drift apart because life gets in the way.

But hey, there's no harm in trying.

I'm hungry

bye

Axiata

I GOT IT.

It's so unreal. It's a miracle--a beautiful one. It's the one thing I have hoped for ever since the first semester of my college. My mentality was "If I don't get a scholarship, I won't even be flying overseas. I don't have that kind of money" since Day 1. It's been my vision, my goal, my dream. To have reached the final stage of it was a miracle enough, and I'm happy for it. To achieve this thing I have envisioned since 2010....indescribable. Now that I've gotten it, it has become of the upmost importance to meet my university requirements. I need those grades.

and I'm going to get them. If I can achieve this goal, I can achieve another.

I'm just so happy :') I'm thankful to Allah, my parents, my friends, and the support of anyone and everyone. Lol I sound like I won an Oscar but CLOSE ENOUGH. Tomorrow's my first A2 paper. Pure Maths 3, the dreaded one. Pray for me.

LOL MORE MUSIC!

Tiffany Alvord and Chester See's cover of Katy Perry's "The One That Got Away". SO MUCH TALENT ON YOUTUBE HOW CAN I NOT HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE AHH. Talk about music spam. Enjoy.

Kina Grannis

How have I not known about her until now???? After lots of youtubing last night, I came across this video and fell in love with her version. I love Kina Grannis and I hope she makes more music like this. Flawless. Here's her cover of "Fix You."

<3

Hallelujah

Just in case I haven't introduced Justin Robinett & Michael Henry to my blog(because I don't remembering uploading any of their videos), here it is. These two dudes are a talented duo--their flawless harmony and soothing piano skills are only part of their potential. Here's their cover of Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah".

Marvel, my life

The furthest I've ever gone

So I'm back home, but just for a night. Lately I've been progressing through the Axiata scholarship assessments, and have successfully reached the final stage after lots of patience and effort. I've gotten this far and it's the furthest I've ever gone. To be honest, I never even bothered to consider applying for a scholarship when I finished SPM. I took it too easy, and now I regret that. But with regret, there is compromise. I pray that tomorrow will be successful and will grant me a place on Axiata's list of scholars.

I noticed how my blog has a lot of hope in it. Are these posts of hopes and dreams a declaration of my goals in a way? Or just plain wishful thinking? Haha and I keep asking questions too. So many questions in life to answer; so many questions we don't know the answer to. Anyway, this is the furthest I've gone for any scholarship application whatsoever. It really tested my ability and brought out my potential. And now I'm like, "DAMMIT IRSYAD YOU CAN DO IT", which is good! :) The road doesn't stop there, though. Still right smack in the middle of A2 examinations. The final push has arrived, and I sure as hell do not want to disappoint.

Have at thee.

THE AVENGERS

OK SO I JUST WATCHED THE AVENGERS A FEW HOURS AGO. Words cannot even begin to describe how long I have anticipated this moment. Ever since the foundation was built in the form of the end credits of Iron Man, the anticipation began. That was FOUR YEARS ago....and now it all came down to a good solid 2 hours and 30 minutes. Absolutely incredible.

Too amazing for words....I cannot comprehend all this. If you expected a long post, I'm sorry to disappoint. It was just too damn epic. I'm at a loss for a detailed explanation.

GO WATCH IT.

band tribute #3

"A concert is not a live rendition of our album. It's a theatrical event." Freddie Mercury, Queen

KY: how to survive triples

If anyone watched Misfits, you would've seen an episode where the guy says he tripled himself, which meant puking shitting and ejaculating at the same time. Totally irrelevant but I thought I'd point that out because the word reminded me of that scene. Anyway, in KY lingo, triples are when there are triple blocks--three consecutive periods of a class...2 hours and 15 minutes of pure torture. I blog this for the faint of heart, to those who have been sleeping or find them too hard to get through. Never fear! Just follow these simple steps:

1. Bring sweets. Chewing on something sweet keeps you preoccupied and more awake! (but bring a lot)
2. Drink COFFEE before the class! Doesn't work all the time, but it has its effects.
3. If you're nodding off to sleep while taking notes, and your writing turns out to be sleep writing(where everything you write turns out extremely illegible when you read it after), write with a RED PEN! Bright colours keep you awake just as much as sweets do.
4. If your lecturer is boring, make them interesting! Ask questions, get involved, etc.
5. If you really can't take it, and you HAVE to take a little doze, put your head down and take a 5 minute power nap(especially if the teacher gives a break). Continuous sleep in short doses are better than micro naps during the entire period!
6. Use the power of pain. Inflict some pain on yourself, like a pinch, to get your systems running again.
7. DON'T LOOK AT THE TIME EVERY FEW SECONDS. IT DOESN'T HELP. AT ALL.

And thus concludes today's lesson. Remember, triples are when teachers take the opportunity to teach the stuff that needs the most teaching, so they're pretty important. Write down every important fact they say, and ask as many questions as you can. 

...and its 1 in the morning now. ok better sleep....which brings us to tip #8, have enough sleep the day before. I'm a hypocrite that way. Goodnight!

stormtroopin' in the rain

New day, new chances

Today was a relatively bland day, but turned out to be a pretty rewarding day as well. I stayed up til 4 in the morning, after a night full of COD and poker(I've been doing that a lot recently), so I woke up late. But I was in time to get ready for lunch at Tg. Malim with my parents! The whole family came and it was really nice to see them. Naturally, we went to Yik Mun Pau and I ate another zillion paus enough to feed Ethiopian families 3 years over.

Anyway, I GOT MY NEW GLASSES! After what's been like 6 or 7 years of using the same old small sized glasses, I finally have a new pair. It's Lee Cooper, it's more glassy and classy, it's bigger, and it's better quality lens. Lol I know, such materialistic enthusiasm but hey, these are concerning my eyes! So it took the whole day getting used to these new lenses. I was walking around ky and actually said to myself, "so this is what it's like to have 20/20 vision". Well not that I'd know, but I feel like my eyes have been reborn and every smallest detail in this world can be seen by my eyess

Also, later at night, I got an invitation from Axiata scholarship for the first assessment. Nothing special, but I'm still thankful I was even shortlisted. I'm not exactly the freshest pear in the fruit bowl, or whatever you call it. This is the first time I'm doing something scholarship-related in real life, so there are definitely nerves for this one. Wish me luck! OH and brandon said, "I heard that even if you pass the first few stages but still not get a scholarship offer, they'll give you an ipod". Small compensation, Brandon. hahaha. Why la like that? I know they have good intentions but it's like, "Oh sorry we didn't decide to give you an offer that would secure a successful and happy future for you beyond your wildest dreams, so here's an ipod. Knock yourself out." You know what I mean?

But in all seriousness, I really hope it'll go well. Ya Allah give me stregth.

AvX 1

One of the most anticipated epic events in Marvel history have begun! The two teams comprising of mutants and superheroes are battling it out in Avengers vs. X-Men. I don't know what's going on so far, but I know it's concerning the Phoenix force and Scarlet Witch. Both teams are having a conflict concerning who should be responsible; very Cold War-ish. But Marvel's always been good at that (such as Civil War and The Ultimates). Hope to be reading a copy soon! Here's a panel of my favourite Marvel hero, Cyclops, showing Steve just who he's dealing with.

Get the fuck off my porch!

Post-Trials

So I just finished all my trial papers, yay! I think overall I did okay, except for the maths papers(P3 and P1) which were total bitches to me. Today I celebrated the end of trials by doing the worst thing any A Level student could do: not study.
I have also recently been hooked on an obsession worse than any kind of drug: Football Manager 2012. This has definitely achieved first place for the 'games I've been most addicted to' list. It's on the back of my mind 24/7, all I can think of is the next match and preparations and new players to buy and new tactics and so on... its the kind of game where you go "Okay, I'll only spend about half an hour on this, then I'll study" then BOOM THREE HOURS GONE and you're like "WTF HAPPENED TO THE TIME"

Simply put, it's a whole new universe whenever I play. I don't talk to anyone, I don't go outside, and I forget what life's like...

BUT ITS SO FUN HAHAHA. Imma go for another half an hour now hehe. peace and love

ENFP

I took this humanmetrics test on a website that Tariq tweeted. It seems pretty accurate, and it's only about 70 YES or NO questions. My personality results were ENFP: Extroverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving. This test is so cool, it gives various elaborations on your results. Here's one:

ENFPs are both "idea"-people and "people"-people, who see everyone and everything as part of a cosmic whole. They want to both help and to be liked and admired by other people, on both an individual and a humanitarian level. This is rarely a problem for the ENFP, as they are outgoing and warm, and genuinely like people. Some ENFPs have a great deal of zany charm, which can ingratiate them to more stodgy types in spite of their unconventionality.

ENFPs often have strong, if sometimes surprising, values and viewpoints. They tend to try to use their social skills and contacts to persuade others gently (though enthusiastically) of the rightness of these views; this sometimes results in the ENFP neglecting their nearest and dearest while caught up their efforts to change the world.

So cool. Sure, I could be speculative about it like how I am with my horoscopes, but I can't deny that it is pretty spot on. Some famous ENFP personalities are Mark Twain, Bill Cosby, and Oprah Winfrey. It even gives you recommended courses and institutions fitting for your personality! Well, the institutions are mostly American, but still. Go ahead and try it!

Click HERE to score your personality.

Yaya tweeted this quote and I HAD to put it down somewhere

"Missing you gets easier everyday, because even though you are one day further from the last time I saw you, you are one day closer to the next time I will."


- Source Unknown

band tribute #2

"If people think we've lost our minds, I think we're doing the right thing."

- Kirk Hammet, Metallica

band tribute #1

"It wasn't supposed to be a pretty thing."

- Robert Plant, Led Zeppelin

Laze's Syndrome

This is it. The last night at home.

I'm going back to ky tomorrow, around the evening so I'd have time to unpack and do some studying. Now, as I sit in my room during the last few hours left of this saturday, a table cluttered with books stare back at me. Have I done enough? I wonder. Did I fully use the privileges I had when I was in penang? Did I put in the maximum amount of study hours every day? The only way to tell is how well I do, I guess. I'm sorry for being sombre right now, but exams do that to you. Sucks the life and fun right outta ya.

We all will eventually face the inevitable fact that as we grow older, we become more and more busy and have less time for leisure, our friends, and basically anything unproductive. Whether we like it or not, we will have to come to terms with it one day. Some rise early and prepared to the change, some are late bloomers--which I think I am. I started out as a not-so-serious, laid back kinda guy. Those were the days when I used to care about absolutely nothing. I'm not saying I miss it, because I know it wasn't a good way to live..I'm just saying I was so accustomed to not worrying about anything, that when the time comes to be extremely serious about something, I can't immediately set my mind to it... and I have a feeling that I'm probably not the only one.

Everyone says how balance is key to a good life--between studies and leisure, relationships and work--basically the serious and the chill. I wouldn't say that I can perfectly balance between the two. Sometimes its 60-40, sometimes it's 30-70. Maybe that's all I want in life. Balance.
  I don't want materialistic property like a gigantic house, smart phones and two rows of cars. I just want to stand at the top of the pyramid. I want to be able to face serious matters with ease, without procrastination. I want to be able to have a smashing time with my friends while also maintaining the priorities of real life problems. I want to act.

Wanting to act and actually acting are two very different things, though. May Allah guide me to what is right.

Minerva

Remember that whole epiphany thing I had about life's meaninglessness and the end of all things beautiful? Well I kept listening to this song the whole time and it just amplified the dreamy state I was in. Also a good song to listen to when you're all 420, but that's not important. This was a cover of Deftones' song, Minerva, and Fightstar made it into an electronic-ish acoustic version and yes I am still obsessed with Fightstar so shut up. They're great.


Credits to Deftones of course, for the beautiful lyrics. Many fans have interpreted it as a tribute to all women who have developed themselves in proper ways; mostly the older matured ones. Minerva is the goddess of handicrafts and arts, as well as war and music, in roman religion. I'm not sure how this relates to the end of all things beautiful, but isn't the beauty of music and lyrics about how it can be interpreted in any way, by anyone?

I get all numb

When she sings it's over

Such a strange numb

and it brings my knees to the earth

So God bless you all

for the song you saved

us

For the hearts you break, every time you moan

God bless you all on the earth

I never said it was a good joke.

I don't know why, but lately I've been having these odd, unexplained feelings towards life an myself as an individual. I have it often, but not as recurring as this! I wish there was a word--just one simple adjective that can perfectly describe this feeling I'm having. Maybe there's already one and I just don't know it...or too lazy to go through a dictionary for. So how do I explain this...

   It's like a surreal trip your mind goes on at random times; some spontaneously and some deliberately. It's a single, unifying thought that ripples throughout both your conscience and subconscious. Imagine dreaming about yourself dying in a car accident. When you wake up, it stays in your mind because it was too real to forget. The dream/thought lingers and plays with your mind. You go out with your friends and you sit in the car, and suddenly, the dream comes back more vivid than ever. You begin to get scared, you begin to question whether it's your last day on Earth, you question the chain of events that transpired, you question whether you're the one who made those events transpire.....you question a lot of things.

That's me right now.

It's like I've become The Comedian and I've understood life's joke. It's like I've accepted that there's not much time left to live on this planet and there's more and more to lose. It's like I'm preparing for a battle that I'm not sure will exist. Am I delusional? Perhaps. Am I being a fool? Absolutely not. I don't think there's anything foolish about questioning life and feeling certain ways about it, let alone thinking about it's end. Virtually, through your blog-reading eyes, I may look like I'm just blabbering. In truth, this is me being entirely honest about myself. Pure, emotional, self-reflection.

Haha but now that I look at everything I just typed, it really could be me just blabbering. You'd think you'd know life's meaning when you have a so-called epiphany...

50th

I reach 50 posts today! And since I've been blogging a lot when I was in Penang, I use the 50th to end it, as I'm going home tomorrow. How fitting. I'm really thankful for Cik Nana, my aunt, for letting me stay in this awesome house for solitude to study. I'm thankful for my mom too, for coming up with the idea in the first place. Now it's time to say goodbye after a 12 day stay, and I hope it was worth it. Right just now I randomly came up with some poser poetry...maybe I'm inspired by something, not sure what. So here's the last four lines of it from my tumblr. Goodbye penang! :)


facts are facts; truths are lies,
you are the reason for your own demise.
speak now or forever hold this grudge,
stay silent or forever be misjudged.

Fault

If time can break us down

And not keep us around

I won't wait, I won't mind.

I've started up the clocks

It's time I left behind

And everything we've lost, disappears.

I've started out the race

It's something I can't change

And now we're not the same.

I'm running past the words

To finish up the faults

Can't come back, I won't wait.

Won't live like that.

I'm calling, I'm calling out

For answers on a long walk home;

It's something I can't change.

And now we're not the same,

I'll find myself once again.

And now we're not the same,

I can't help myself again.

"I promise you they'll let you in"

My favourite Fightstar song at the moment!

If you have the answers to all of my questions
Why are you here?
Turn around, face me now
I promise you they'll let you in

I don't mean to make you so upset
But the air is so thin and I'm losing sleep

Blackened and unrested
Replace your armour to make this stand

Bring me round to let me down
Take this for ever so I can sleep quiet
I'll wait around to let you in
What has begun

I don't mean to make you so upset
But the air is so thin and I'm losing sleep

Wake up
Wake up
Wake up (x3) 

Fightstar

Despite the slow internet I have here in this house in Penang, I still download albums. Ain't the same standard as unifi of course. Takes about half an hour or more to download one album here. But just lately, last night in fact, I remembered this band I heard a long long time ago(the myspace ages) and decided to download their discography. Yeah totally unlike me to download the entire damn discography instead of trying out one album, not sure why I did that...but I don't regret it at all.

A very good friend of mine told me about this band a long time ago. I didn't get into them then(at all) not until yesterday! I'm not sure what made me remember them, I'm just glad I even did. I remember years ago on MSN, Aisyah was chatting and telling me "Syad! Go check out this band on myspace, they're called Fightstar. Remember the guitarist from Busted? He made his own band.", and then I listened to Paint Your Target and I was like wow, this band's damn good.

Of course, those were the years of naivety and ignorance--I didn't download any of their songs. Lol honestly I'd kick my past self in the ass if I could. Anyway, the albums are superb! Especially Grand Unification. So for those who don't know, it's Charlie Simpson's band. He's that deep-voiced guitarist in the old punk band, Busted, which I fairly liked. Apparently his creativity was 'pent up' and 'unable to be vented', thus leading to the creation of this band. Amazing post-hardcore stuff.

Charlie Simpson, everybody.

boner post #2

gotta love them chicks in suits.

Of boats and boars

Had the weirdest of dreams last night..

I was driving to my college, KY, alone for some reason. I think it was because there was no one to send me and I really had to get there because I had class the next day. So I was driving a Proton Wira(don't know whose) at night to ky. So I was driving, just driving, (everything was very very real btw. you know how dreams are) so I took a turn and figured I drove the right way, because the surroundings were familiar. I was at the Lembah Beringin toll, used my touch N' go, and continued driving.

and suddenly the whole damn road changed. It wasn't like the road to ky. It suddenly got really narrow, and there were boulders, fallen trees and all kinds of obstacles blocking the road. I was scared, of course(like, really scared) and then my car broke down. I was alone, and the car broke down. Then for some damn reason, I put the car backwards and pushed it, and it kept going. So imagine me, sitting on the boot of a Proton Wira, some weird force continuously pushing the backward car through the path. It went faster and faster, and I saw all kinds of weird shit. I mostly remember a dead boar, and a boar that wasn't. The car stopped at a junction and there were two paths: one up a flight of stairs, one through the jungle.

I got off the boot of my car and followed the stairs, which led to a wooden bridge, and before I know it...I realised the bridge was over a black lake. And across the lake I saw silhouettes of children, staring at me. Of course, it scared the crap out of me, and I went back the way I came, just wanting to get out of there and find ky. I went down the stairs, and on the way back to my car, I saw Mrs. Foord. So I was happy you know, omg a ky teacher! So I yelled, "Mrs. Foord! Mrs. Foord!" (I'm pretty sure I yelled in my sleep, because it was so real and I felt my mouth move)...

...and she turned her head to me..

and it wasn't Mrs Foord. It was some old, lady who had Mrs Foord's hairstyle. Her eyes were dead grey and just stared at me, not saying a word. Her hair, clothes, and entire body was suddenly dripping wet, and looked as though she was just got out of water. Then I realised that she was the girl who was drowned in this black lake.


was drowned, not drowned. someone drowned her.


fuck.

then I woke up.

This is why I title my posts after I write it

Remember those disgusting, horrible, pointless and mindless Saw movies? The ones that like, never end? I think they're at Saw 7 or something now. It's pretty easy to keep up that many sequels. All they have to do is get more actors who are really good in expressing emotions of pain and are willing to be subjected to on-screen torture, which isn't really acting by the way, but really just a porno for sadistic nutjobs. I'll never understand what people love so much about Saw. It's ridiculous.

  Anyway....crap I forgot what I wanted to blog about. Seriously! I'm here, typing this, trying to remember what the fuck I wanted to blog about. Instead I went off-track and acted upon a random thought that occurred in my head. Well I like how that one small random thought turned out to be in a whole paragraph but hell, I really can't remember what I wanted to blog about! I cannot express this enough! Guess it's one of those things you simply just can't recall(or take an excruciatingly long time to).

shit la

In the company of men

(after lunch)

Me: where are you guys going?
Mama: we're taking Aunty Uji to OE jewelry at Straits Quay
Me: ...but you guys go there all the time
Mama: we're women, darling. Women love jewelry, like how men love football.
Me: yeah..I miss hanging out with men.

(my mom laughs loudly and tells everyone in the house, who are all females)

Cik Nana: I figured! You've been surrounded by women this past week. Even the dog is a girl.
Me: (just realising that) oh my god

Million Dollar Baby

Yet another one of those old must-watch movies that I've never watched(fully). The dialogue in this was really inspiring, and ohhh the message! It's a movie all about determination, risking everything to live your dream, to do what you would almost never do for others. I loved it, and I'm glad I've watched it. Once again; you can never go wrong with Clint Eastwood.

" I can't be like this, Frankie. Not after what I've done. I've seen the world. People chanted my name. Well, not my name... some damn name you gave me. But they were chanting for me. I was in magazines. You think I ever dreamed that'd happen? I was born two pounds, one-and-a-half ounces. Daddy used to tell me I'd fight my way into this world, and I'd fight my way out. That's all I wanna do, Frankie. I just don't wanna fight you to do it. I got what I needed. I got it all. Don't let 'em keep taking it away from me. Don't let me lie here 'till I can't hear those people chanting no more." 

From 'fitmemes' to 'reesmemes'

The Dreamer

I found a really funny picture of my best friend, Fit, and decided to turn it into a meme. I call it...The Dreamer.

boner post #1

Expect these posts to happen. Occasionally.

and it's funny because, there are boner posts..

.....and there are post-boners.

HAHAHAHAHA 

The exclusion of vanity

Too many pictures of myself on this blog at the moment, so here's Tim Drake and Damian Wayne bitch fighting. 

HAHA aren't they cute? To those who don't know, Tim Drake is the 3rd Robin, but now has gone his own path and has become Red Robin(the guy in the black cowl) while the current Robin is Batman's son, Damian. These two really hate each other.

'nuff said.

...and that's that!

Seriously, what a good day it's been.
..but wait

Didn't I say that for like every single birthday I've had? Don't we all perceive our birthdays as generally good days, even though it might have been crappy or extremely uneventful? A person could celebrate his or her birthday on their bed reading manga and browsing the internet and watching movies and they'd still most probably agree that it was a birthday well spent. Why is that? Is the day good because, deep down, despite crappy events, we ignore these because we don't want to remember our birthdays as bad days? Or is the day good because we don't want it to be a bad day, and it ends up feeling that way when the day's done?

Such interesting things to think about; our minds are such vast universes with no borders.

ANYWAY, ignoring all that, I really did have a good day(well, I think I did). Thanks, everyone, for all the wishes! Thank you alia for the mailed birthday present. Thanks Cik Nana for the delicious Japanese dinner tonight, the Hard Rock Cafe dinner last weekend, and thank you kak sultry for the HONEYCOMB CRUNCHIE BAR CHEESECAKE whooomfg too full to think about it.

This may be just another day to some, but it was one of the most meaningful to me. We all have our days. I just had mine. big smiles!

oh and I just found out that I share the same birthday as twitter, which is either a really weird coincidence or a legitimate sign of my excessive tweeting and love for twitter. peace ya'llz

"because there's no point living life miserably"

Today is my birthday. I woke up around 11, took my shower and had the usual breakfast. I drove the smart car and dropped off kak sultry at the market to buy ingredients....for my cake. Yeah, I just contributed in the making of my birthday cake. It feels aweosme.

Anyway, I came back, studied, and had lunch. Suddenly a pos laju bike stops outside the house and gives a letter to me! and it was a package sent by my angel, alia nor ezannee :) so I took the liberty of taking pictures of these gifts, and myself with these gifts....and being an accomplished camwhore, I took the opportunity to take more pictures of myself.

here's me with her presents. she made me two mixed CDs, and two lovely birthday letters!

the presents, on my bed, along with the pos laju letter.

...and the rest are me camwhoring with cool things

big poster of Che Guevara

awesome big poster of Spider-Man vs Green Goblin

me with a fire extinguisher, because I have fans with weird requests

This totally made my day! I wonder what else is in store. Fancy dinner? Another pos laju? Activation of a long-time hidden Mutant gene in my body that coincidentally took 20 years to develop? You never know.

The best part of birthdays

and this isn't even all of them. I love being wished, it makes me feel appreciated. I mean even though some people only wish you because they feel obliged to wish you because it's a birthday and since everyone's doing it they think, ah well might as well do it, IT STILL MEANS SOMETHING TO ME

who needs presents when you've got love? (and reminders)

20 years

  20 years has passed. 20 years! While I sat on my bed here in penang, there were about 2 minutes left before midnight. I sat there, and thought to myself, "wow, 20 years. I've been alive for 20 years". If you say it like that, it feels like a lifetime. A lot of things can happen in 20 years. Hell, the difference between the 70's and the 90's is 20 years, and that's a huge difference. (e.g. fashion in the 70's and fashion in the 90's)



That's the difference.

So I sat, paused, and put my head down in prayer.

I thanked Allah for everything. I thanked Him for keeping me alive for this long, I thanked Him for keeping my family safe, unharmed, alive and healthy to this day, I thanked Him for my blessed family who always supports me through thick and thin, I thanked Him for the lessons I've learnt throughout my entire lifetime, I thanked Him for my education, my talents, my brain, my body, my health, and basically everything that has to do with me.

Ladies and gentlemen, the word of the day is GRATITUDE. or kesyukuran. 


   and there you have it. I spent the last 2 minutes, at the end of a whole 2 decades of my life, thanking God for my existence and how my life has turned out so far. and I'm so glad I did that. I'm overwhelmed, actually. I'm glad I didn't do something stupid like, "hey i'm gonna do the last 10 push-ups as a 19-year old". yeah, i'd have done something dumb like that if I was still dumb, which I ain't..

heh. a new member of the 20's club has been added. Let's see how this turns out, eh? :)

Screw this, too much effort

Every blog develops in it's own way. Mine just took a turn for the better. Lol so I thought it would be cool for all my blog titles to be song titles, so it would look professional and I can(one day) make a playlist out of all those blog titles in memory of my blog.

...now that's hipster thinkin'. The hell was I thinking? hahahaha oh man, the things I do to maintain a cool image, if I had a cool image to begin with. Oh interesting fact, I'm turning 20 in about say 15 minutes. after 7 years of being a teenager, the end is nigh within the hour. It's the end of something that has had a good run, and the beginning of a new phase of my life. A few 20 year olds I know have said the same thing--that after you reach 20, life speeds up like hell. Okay, great! I'm totally in a rush to grow up and make life-changing decisions and choose a career path that will define my future and find a spouse that I will grow old with and have children with.

Is it just me, or is the 20-year-old sense of humour ALREADY setting in? I don't know, but I like this new style of blogging. So much more relaxed....no rules, no need for perfection. It's like I'm chilling at home with a t-shirt on and I just took it off

SO LIBERATING.
whoa I'm turning 20 in 10 minutes. WHAT SHOULD I DO IN THE REMAINING 10 MINUTES OF MY TEENAGE YEARS???
guess I'll browse around the internet for a while, like I always have been throughout my teenagehood. Yeah, you know what, that's a great end. I started getting into the internet when I was 13--friendster, myspace, all that crap--and now, after 7 years, I'm ending it with good old browsin' and bloggin'. Life's sweet and simple if you think about it.

Here's to me. Cheers

Charlie

This is a live performance of "Charlie" by Damn Dirty Apes, a band from Penang I just recently discovered....because I'm in Penang right now lol. They're awesome, seriously. So good that you wouldn't have guessed they were local.

No Pun Intended

John, you rock.

Ghosts Of Days Gone By

This week, by far, has been the most intense week my college has ever experienced. Whether individually or together, all of us faced different levels of stress and dissatisfaction towards the administration. I'll list down a few of these events.

Ever since the cafe moved to the DH, shit's been hitting the fan. On Saturday, a fight erupted between two juniors, resulting in a wounded arm, broken partitions and a broken common room window. On Monday night, the 14.5 boys conducted a bashing of ridiculous and utterly humiliating nature that destroyed ky's reputation of having a well-bred and understanding society of students. The Student Services(SS) were informed, and actions were taken. On Tuesday evening, Anwar had a concussion. Fortunately it was a minor one and he's okay now. The next day, it was Mochi's turn for an injury, and it was a broken pinky. 

On Thursday night, stories spread that the SS banned food deliveries in ky, which means we're not allowed to order Abg Hafiz's burgers anymore. This was crossing the line. A massive uprising came about on twitter, where fellow ky students tweeted their complaints and showed their support for the boycott. It was the first time we were that united. 

Today was different. An emotional one. One of serious matters from the outside. I woke up to the sound of Dr. Bano's voice in my common room. There stood Zameer, Fifi, Dr Bano and Hazman. Hazman's baby brother, who had recently been diagnosed with pneumonia a few months back, passed away this morning. Whoever is reading this and you didn't know about it yet, please send him your condolences. It doesn't matter whether you're close to him or not, every word of comfort you give is an extra ounce of strength for him. My good friend is in pain.. I cannot take away that pain, but I can help ease it. The tiniest bit of effort can go a long way.

I don't know what's happening to this college and the world. I could complain a lot, but I I've exhausted all my complaints in conversations with my friends...there's just no point. If God has something planned, this week was a good way of showing it. Maybe after all these bad signs, things will turn out okay later. Maybe these events are lessons to be learnt...maybe this week was a reminder that humanity is on the edge of a cliff, and that we must do our best to stop it from falling.

Or maybe it's just me. 

Out Of My Mind

I find this ridiculously funny

Alhough I didn't laugh out loud

Because, when it's just you and the internet, the most you'd make is a chuckle.

Berilah Harapan

This was Diamond's Nasyeed video, uploaded straight to youtube! The video quality's a bit bad though, but the sound's okay. We're all really proud of this performance. Despite the fact that we didn't win, we remain confident that we were the true winners anyway. But always remember(as Zameer and Izannee has told me countless times) that nasyeed is all about conveying the message, not just to entertain.

Alhamdulillah, we did a good job.

The House of Courage. :)

It's Complicated Being A Wizard

Such a nice song to listen to. When you're down, when you're feeling fine, or (especially) when you're in the zone. Thanks anwar.

Try and always find you
Where sheep's shed friendly information
Slowly spout back, sifting through patient air
Their legs are bending back to find
The roots where, offer only explanations
We will only take what hands and backs and legs
Can carry out of here

Someday we'll find a home (I found the way out)
Someday we'll find a lonely, lonely home
(But if I told you, you'd be down)

Where they bring the change
Where they bring the change
Lips likely holes; pouring out feelings
Lips likely holes; pouring out feelings

Overflow the bows; remote control that holds you
Open it and part the steps that never move

No Return

There was a lot of injustice last night, in my opinion. And in here, my opinion's the only one that matters because...it is my blog. So, about last night.

We worked hard for this inter-house nasyeed competition. So hard that I dare say we worked harder than all of the other houses. Why? Because we trained our voices to be perfectly harmonised, we trained our choreography, our backup vocals, our coordination with the drums...basically everything we needed to train for. On the night itself, we gave it our best shot. We sang even better than we normally do during practice. We pulled it off in style, and according to numerous people, we were the obvious winner. But how is it that we ended up at 2nd place?

Because we were over time by a few measly seconds.

Everything was in place...our total marks were 7 above Topaz(which is still surprisingly low) and because of that overtime, we lost 10 marks. 10 marks. So you mean if our performance was over by 1 second, you'd still cut 10 marks just like that? Isn't Nasyeed about the voice projection, and singing the songs well? ISN'T NASYEED ABOUT CONVEYING THE MESSAGE FOR ISLAM, AS BEAUTIFUL AS POSSIBLE? Since when was it about singing Islamic songs under a ridiculously strict time limit? Kalau tak pun at least regulate it, for example an extra minute will cause 5 marks or something. Have some mercy, for God's sake. Literally.

This is what I'm frustrated about. We deserved that win, but we were deprived of it because of this illogical judging scheme. Go ahead, call me biased. But think about it. I mean really think about it. How would you feel if you were in this position? Once again, Topaz has beaten us by sheer luck. Think of it as a race. Diamond runs the entire track at a magnificent speed, due to the all the hours of training. And suddenly, just before the finish line, the judges say we're wearing the wrong running shorts, and therefore must be given a penalty of 50 points.

Trust me, it is as ridiculous as it sounds. I'm not attacking Topaz, because it clearly wasn't their fault. I'm blaming the injustice in judgement. On another note, Bob's video was good and absolutely stuck to the theme. I was shocked when we got 4th palce for that. FOURTH. Whether the judges have a vengeance against Diamond, I will never know. But please, this is a perfect example of why people shouldn't stick to the textbook marking scheme. This is why people should think outside the box to adopt a sound judgement of character, creativity, talent.....QUALITY.


We have felt this close loss too many times. We have learnt to pick ourselves up, only to be beaten down, again and again. This isn't me complaining. This is just me hoping the other houses acknowledge how we feel. Nevertheless, I hope the next batch won't falter if this happens again. I hope they learn that in life, there are some things that need to be accepted.

I guess I've already come to terms with this. It took a while, but yeah, I'll be okay. I just needed to express this somewhere. My blog is the perfect outlet for that.

Always A Catch

  

Matt Murdock. The man without fear. The Scarlet Swashbuckler. 

Daredevil.

Radar sense, heightened smell and hearing, superb acrobatic agility, a skilled tracker with unparallel encyclopedic intellect. Formidable hand-to-hand combat skills; including Ninjutsu, Judo, American-style boxing all infused with his gymnastic capabilities.

 Lawyer by day, masked vigilante at night. 

These kinds of heroes are my kind of heroes. I don't go for the superhuman extraterrestrial type who can lift mountains and fly at supersonic speed. I mean, sure it's cool, but it detaches us from our humanity. There are articles on how people idolise Superman because he is the idea of a perfect being, and these fanboys just end up feeling inferior. Heroes like Daredevil are the ones to look up to. Real humans with disabilities(in this case, he's blind) and prone to injuries and diseases as much as any normal human being. Every time he battles to save the lives of innocents, there is always a high chance that he could die or be very seriously injured. Every wound, bruise and fracture he takes would take as much time to heal as anyone else. 

But he's willing to take the law into his own hands and protect Hell's Kitchen, to protect the lives of the innocent civilians. There's nothing 'super' about it. He wasn't sent from some distant planet, he's not a mutant, he's not a guardian sent by an Asgardian king....he's just a guy doing good. 

There's humanity for you.

Shine On

Boria Night. The night that everyone had been waiting for. The night that a month of practice, sewing, video-making amounted to. In other words, it was a month's worth of training was for 10 minutes of showtime. Intense is the word. The verdict? Diamond didn't win. And really, that's all I need to know. Having specifics such as 3rd or 2nd is small comfort. We're in it to win it all by doing our best, and if we lost despite giving it our best, then it's okay. 

But we didn't.

During the days that were just before boria, our boys perfected it like never before. All the seniors, including me, were absolutely confident that: with a display like that, we could definitely win. The practices were almost flawless, and our confidence was boosted. Alas, on the night itself, there were a few minor setbacks. There was a technical problem--the song started off at a low volume and it threw them off. It set their mentality in a different way. I'm not sure what happened...all I know is, it wasn't a show that expressed our full potential. And that, my friends, is a shame. It's one thing to lose, but it's another to not put on a fantastic show that we could have.

Post-Mortem. We told the juniors the truth. We told them what they needed to hear. The session went on until midnight and I think it was one of the most emotional and inspiring sessions we've ever done as a house. I gave them my thoughts and Yaya gave hers. After that, I watched in awe as one, two, three, and more junior Diamonders went up the stage in the LT and gave their speeches to inspire, to say thank you, to motivate their housemates, and so on. It was something genuine to watch. We may have lost this time around, but the year's only just begun. We've got a lot more coming. Well, they do...but they can take it. They can take a beating, and they can sure as hell make a victory. Diamond's in good hands. I couldn't ask for more.

"Defeat never comes to any man until he admits it." - Josephus Daniels